Changing my socks January 12, 2011
Posted by Phil Groom in Frivolity, Life, Watching and Waiting.Tags: Ali Quant, facebook, Feet, Insane ramblings of a deranged Christian, Jesus, Socks, The Guardian, Toes, Twitter
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SOMETIMES DRASTIC MEASURES ARE CALLED FOR. This is one of those times: I am changing my socks. Yesterday I tweeted:
and because I am such a hyperconnected person, oh yes, that tweet went via friendfeed to facebook, where a friend suggested that I should change my socks next time I take a shower. This horrified me. Quietly disregarding the fact that I don’t shower, that it’s at least a year since I last showered, I was utterly flabberbegibbergasted. Consider the implications: it would seem that my friend takes his socks off when he showers.
I invite you, gentle reader, to think this through: the removal of socks exposes the feet. Yes, you’ve got it: naked feet! Feet exposed to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune with no protection from the moneymakers and swindling bankers who want to take those ten little piggies to the stock market and rip off their toenails and — well, you get the picture. Putting it bluntly, it’s unnatural.
I ask you, lovelies: how could anyone shower, bathe, get into bed or — horror of horrors — walk down the street with naked feet? Imagine if you stepped in some dog poop and then got into bed. Dearly beloved readers, will you stand with me on this matter of principle? I put it to you that socks should not be changed, exposing feet and tootsies to the air and other unmentionable dangers, except as an absolute last resort.
But today I am in such a state of shock that needs must and my socks will be changed! I will peel them from my feet, then gently, oh so gently — as if the very hands of Jesus were doing the job, as he is wont to do — wash those feet and put on clean socks. Do not be afraid: the sockless interval will last no more than 10 minutes.
Whence my state of shock, you ask, as if the very idea of showering with naked feet were not bad enough? Herein, dear hearts: my good friend Ali Quant — who routinely walks barefoot all over me in Scrabble — has become a porn star! Yes, a porn star: described by someone in a Guardian comment thread as “misery porn”.
There is no choice: I am changing my socks!!
I have changed my socks
Where next?
10 Things You Can’t Do with an iPad January 28, 2010
Posted by Phil Groom in Frivolity, Technology.Tags: 10 Things, iPad
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- Swat flies
- Mop up spilt beer
- Protect your bum on the bus
- Train the dog
- Hail a cab (well OK, maybe some people would…)
- Leave it behind on the tube (but if you do, someone else will always pick it up)
- Use it as an umbrella
- Polish your shoes
- Package your ebay parcels
- Wrap your fish & chips
Over to you now, lovely people…
iPad iWant January 27, 2010
Posted by Phil Groom in Frivolity, Technology.Tags: Apple, Dave Walker, iPad
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Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons. Or head this way if you want the real thing…
Your Help Needed: Badass Blogger Needs Help to Lighten Up July 16, 2009
Posted by Phil Groom in Frivolity.Tags: Happy Blogging, Reasons to be cheerful, twitterblogofacebooksphere
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Yah, that’s me. Just because lots of things in life suck doesn’t mean that we have to, does it? But truth is — as I said here — I do seem to have developed the gift of discouragement to a fine art, don’t I? Not a good place to be. As somebody or other once observed, I am the ingrowing toenail in the body of Christ. Maybe I need more sleep or something; or snipping down to size. Lord have mercy.
So, beautiful people, do me a favour: find me something bright & shiny to blog about instead of all these negative vibes I’m sending out into the twitterblogofacebooksphere 😀
What’s made you smile or laugh recently? Yay for happy blogging!!
Just because you’re dead doesn’t mean you have to stop reading… July 12, 2009
Posted by Phil Groom in Frivolity.Tags: Archbishop Cranmer, Christian Marketplace, facebook, Free Subscription
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Ayatollah Cranmer
Recently Archbishop Cranmer had a rather entertaining run in with facebook: they didn’t like his title so he ended up signing up as Ayatollah Cranmer instead. It seems that facebook are somewhat selective over which clerical titles they discriminate against.
The good news for Archbishop Cranmer is that although he died some years ago, he’d have no such problem selecting a title if he signed up for a free Church leader’s subscription (yes, free, you read that correctly) to Christian Marketplace magazine, where you can opt for anything from Archdeacon to Wing Commander.
But it gets even better if you’ve earned yourself (or been granted) some letters to go after your name: as well as the usual raft of BA, MA and OBE, you can even choose ‘deceased’ — so do come along now, My Lord Archbishop, and get your free Christian Marketplace subscription today!!
Christian Marketplace - Select a Suffix
h/t to Bishop Alan Wilson for drawing my attention to Archbishop Cranmer’s facebook shenannigans.
Anyone for tennis? June 29, 2009
Posted by Phil Groom in Frivolity.Tags: Andy Murray, Tennis, Wimbledon
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Tonight, I am watching Andy Murray v/s Somebody Wawrinka at Wimbledon. By which I mean they’re at Wimbledon, not me: I’m at home, they’re on TV. For reasons that I don’t understand, they’ve got the roof closed at Wimbledon even though it’s a clear sky out there. Apparently there was a light drizzle earlier on and they panicked and now they’ve forgotten where the switch is to reopen it.
I think Andy may be winning but the score keeps changing and I really don’t understand. The BBC have got some geezer called McEnroe who keeps yattering away with obscure comments that are supposed to help us understand, but which leave me mystified: “You need a sure ball but Wawrinka’s gonna still punish it.” What does that mean?
As I write the score is
Murray: 2 4 40
Wawrinka: 1 3 40
but by the time I hit publish it will change again. Never mind: one of ’em’s gonna win and the ref keeps calling them ‘love’ and they are both hunky chaps so I can see why. I guess he’s thirsty now coz he’s just asked for some juice.
I think I’ve worked out what’s really confusing me, though: there’s just one net in the middle instead of one at either end…
iBible: You know you want one! May 23, 2009
Posted by Phil Groom in Frivolity, Technology.2 comments
Found this via Brian Wurzell: nice one, Brian! Wild or what?
Follow Brian on twitter: @brianwurzell
200 Tweeps and a Boob Job? April 26, 2009
Posted by Phil Groom in Frivolity.Tags: facebook, Online Advertising, Twitter
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Today's facebook ad
Strange but true: facebook ads are offering me £500 towards a boob job. Sorry folks, but it’s gonna take more than a boob job to get me looking like that. Is my inner woman trying to tell me something?
200 tweeps!
And I’m delighted to welcome Dilip Sinha @all_top_books as my 200th follower on twitter. You can follow me too if you want: @notbovvered.
It’s a strange life online…
Give it to them, Doc, just give it to them! April 25, 2009
Posted by Phil Groom in Frivolity.Tags: $5M, Dr Michael George
3 comments
Marvellous email received just now:
From: drmichael_george@gmx.de
Subject: YOUR REPLY
Date: 25 April 2009 13:02:19 BST
Reply-To: drmichael_george@yahoo.com.hkHello,
My name is Dr. Michael George of {CBN}. I am informing you of an attempt by some men to collect your payment of $5M on your behalf. I had to ask them why they came to see me in person and they said that they came to collect your funds which rightfully belongs to you as shown in your file with us, on your behalf and by your authorization.
However, I am writing you this email to find out from you if you actually sent them. Note that they actually tendered some vital paperworks which proved that you actually sent them to collect these funds. Below is the list of paperwork which they presented.
*Letter of administration *Order to release *High court injunction
I want to hear from you before I order the release of the funds to these men who claim to be your representatives because they will be back to my office next week. I decided to carry out this decision based on my work experience and this is a risk I cannot take because I have not heard anything from you.
Kindly direct your response to my email address for quicker deliberation on the release of your funds to you.
Yours faithfully,
Dr Michael George.
As I said, doc, just give it to them. But hey — I’m feeling generous. Keep 10% for yourself, OK? But be quick about it: I’m about to delete your message.
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