I’ve had enough, Lord…

Me: I’ve had enough, Lord.

Jesus: What of?

Me: The Church of England.

Jesus: Me too.

Me: That bad, eh?

Jesus: Worse. It’s only been 40 years for you; more than 400 for me.

Me: So what’s bugging you with it?

Jesus: The usual. Buildings, people; but mostly people. You?

Me: Likewise. Safeguarding. Attitudes to women and LGBT people, to disabled people. Racism. Obsession with money. Endless bickering. Quiche. All of that. 

Silence…

Me: So… anyone in particular getting to you?

Jesus: You.

Me: Say what??

Jesus: You. You could be the difference. 

Me: Hold on, this is getting personal. It’s your church.

Jesus: Is it? Really?

Me: I don’t like this conversation.

Jesus: You started it.

Me: Yes, but… [becoming increasingly flustered]… [sudden flash of inspiration] hey — what about all the volunteers, the food banks, cathedrals as vaccination centres? Clergy going online? Phone calls cheering people up? Support for children, teachers and schools? Chaplaincy services in hospitals and prisons? Elderly churchwardens getting to grips with modern technology? Bishops challenging the government? Calling out injustice?

Jesus: Not all bad then?

Me: Guess not…

Jesus: So what’s the plan?

Me: You’re asking me?

Jesus: At all times and in all places: that’s the phrase, isn’t it?

Me: Yes, but…

Jesus: You like that word, don’t you?

Me: Well, yes. But—

Jesus: [laughter]

Me: —okay, you win, but—

Jesus: [more laughter]

Me: [laughing too] I’ll stay. Tomorrow’s going to be a good day…