Changing my socks January 12, 2011
Posted by Phil Groom in Frivolity, Life, Watching and Waiting.Tags: Ali Quant, facebook, Feet, Insane ramblings of a deranged Christian, Jesus, Socks, The Guardian, Toes, Twitter
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SOMETIMES DRASTIC MEASURES ARE CALLED FOR. This is one of those times: I am changing my socks. Yesterday I tweeted:
and because I am such a hyperconnected person, oh yes, that tweet went via friendfeed to facebook, where a friend suggested that I should change my socks next time I take a shower. This horrified me. Quietly disregarding the fact that I don’t shower, that it’s at least a year since I last showered, I was utterly flabberbegibbergasted. Consider the implications: it would seem that my friend takes his socks off when he showers.
I invite you, gentle reader, to think this through: the removal of socks exposes the feet. Yes, you’ve got it: naked feet! Feet exposed to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune with no protection from the moneymakers and swindling bankers who want to take those ten little piggies to the stock market and rip off their toenails and — well, you get the picture. Putting it bluntly, it’s unnatural.
I ask you, lovelies: how could anyone shower, bathe, get into bed or — horror of horrors — walk down the street with naked feet? Imagine if you stepped in some dog poop and then got into bed. Dearly beloved readers, will you stand with me on this matter of principle? I put it to you that socks should not be changed, exposing feet and tootsies to the air and other unmentionable dangers, except as an absolute last resort.
But today I am in such a state of shock that needs must and my socks will be changed! I will peel them from my feet, then gently, oh so gently — as if the very hands of Jesus were doing the job, as he is wont to do — wash those feet and put on clean socks. Do not be afraid: the sockless interval will last no more than 10 minutes.
Whence my state of shock, you ask, as if the very idea of showering with naked feet were not bad enough? Herein, dear hearts: my good friend Ali Quant — who routinely walks barefoot all over me in Scrabble — has become a porn star! Yes, a porn star: described by someone in a Guardian comment thread as “misery porn”.
There is no choice: I am changing my socks!!
I have changed my socks
Where next?
Phil's Boring Blog 
If Jesus wanted us to have socks he would have provided them along with the loaves and fishes. But I hear no mention in the bible of “fish finger sandwiches and a clean pair of socky-wockies”. Oh no, I am barefoot AND PROUD! =]
Where’s the ‘Like’ button??
There you go! *hopes that comes out right after I’ve hit the post button*
and oooh I’ve only just noticed I have my very own tag! *feels special* =D
argh it didn’t work! and the blueprint looked so good…
I shall attempt to tweak 🙂
#attemptfail *sigh*
Howsabout that then? *grin*
Oh, and you are special, Ali: never doubt it!
LOVE the new Like button! Methinks changing your socks made you more cleverer! =D
Hey Ali – better than a like button, you can now give a thumbs up or a thumbs down to any comment! 🙂
Phil, you delight and disturb me in equal measure.
My raison d’être, David. Now if you want to be seriously disturbed, go check out Ali’s latest blog post: The beginning of the end.
Phil, I love you. 🙂
*blushes and makes mental note: the way to a woman’s heart is to change socks*
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