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Tears of Joy in Northwood as Deranged Christian Bookshop Manager’s Ten Year Reign of Terror Draws to a Close August 18, 2010

Posted by Phil Groom in Knockabout, News.
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From the Northwood and Pinner Herald:

TEARS OF JOY were shed in Northwood yesterday as news broke that Phil Groom, Bookshop Manager at London School of Theology, had handed in his notice. Hearing the noise from the street outside, our undercover reporter sneaked in to interview staff and students who were celebrating raucously in the corridors.

“He’s definitely insane,” said one student, who did not wish to be named. “He entices people into the shop with special offers then sells them something completely different. I came to LST with a healthy bank balance but by the time I’d visited his shop I had a massive overdraft and was walking with a limp caused by the weight of the books I ended up carrying. And that was just after the first day!”

“He’s a heretic,” said another. “I asked him a question about the Bible and he said, ‘It’s all true apart from the bits they made up.’ Then I asked him to to help me choose a book about the parables and he recommended Hans Christian Andersen. I said, ‘But that’s a book of fairy tales,’ and he told me to read between the lines. Then I asked him about the resurrection and he said, ‘Which resurrection?’ Finally I asked him about the story of Creation and he said, ‘That’s right, it’s a story.’ Every question I asked him, he dodged.”

“He was the biggest source of temptation in my life,” said a member of staff, who also requested anonymity. “It was terrible: I’d walk into the shop, planning to offer him some words of encouragement, but I’m sure he saw me coming because as I approached the counter he’d whip out a newly published book that was exactly what I’d been looking for. It was impossible to leave without buying it!”

“It was his jokes that were the killer,” explained another staff member. “Him and that other guy, Nick Aston, they sparked off one another. It was worse than the two Ronnies. You couldn’t hold a sensible conversation with them when they were on duty together.”

So why did he quit? No one knows, but rumour has it that he’s going to be working in a supermarket part-time terrorising the general public in much the same way as he used to terrorise the LST community, and when he isn’t in the supermarket he’ll be drinking coffee and working on some top secret web development projects.

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Comments»

1. David Marriott - August 18, 2010

You shall be missed. I’m glad you still have an online form with which to occasionally terrorise us with.

Phil Groom - August 18, 2010

I shall do my best, David; and thank you for stopping by 🙂

2. Anne Madison - August 19, 2010

Well, I know your clients will miss you terribly. I hope we’ll still be able to interact with you online in your capacity as righter of wrongs, observer of the passing scene, and general all-around crazy person! Good luck in your next endeavors.

3. Tweets that mention Tears of Joy in Northwood as Deranged Christian Bookshop Manager’s Ten Year Reign of Terror Draws to a Close « Phil's Boring Blog -- Topsy.com - August 19, 2010

[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Phil Groom, Phil Groom. Phil Groom said: Tears of Joy in Northwood as Deranged Christian Bookshop Manager's Ten Year Reign of Terror Draws to a Close: http://wp.me/pgrvb-i0 […]

4. Graham Smith - August 19, 2010

Get well soon!

5. Loose Ends and Updates « The Christian Bookshops Blog - August 20, 2010

[…] for those who may be wondering about the situation at the LST Bookshop and for your amusement: Tears of Joy in Northwood as Deranged Christian Bookshop Manager’s Ten Year Reign of Terror Draws … […]

6. Norman McIlwain - August 22, 2010

As one door closes, as they say …

Before it does, however, how about giving the extended version of my book a plug! At least they can’t fire you now. 🙂

God bless!

7. Pietro Lofthouse - August 23, 2010

Many years in Bookshop management, with no e-mail and no Phil Groom. Both came late.
Perhaps all evangelicals have some heresy in them, so why not you.
Thanks for all your provocations, information, and encouragements to keep on keeping on.

8. Would You Hire This Guy? « Christian Book Shop Talk - August 25, 2010

[…] Tears of Joy in Northwood as Deranged Christian Bookshop Manager’s Ten Year Reign of Terror Draws … TEARS OF JOY were shed in Northwood yesterday as news broke that Phil Groom, Bookshop Manager at London School of Theology, had handed in his notice. Hearing the noise from the street outside, our undercover reporter sneaked in to interview staff and students who were celebrating raucously in the corridors. […]

9. Good News for Struggling Shops and their Customers as RHP release more ÂŁ1 Classics « The Christian Bookshops Blog - August 25, 2010

[…] tried them at LST yet, but I’ll certainly make sure that my successor knows about them for when I’m gone. A series that sells as well as Geoff and Joy have each found has to be a winner, methinks — and […]

10. 2010: Blog Review of the Year « Phil's Boring Blog - January 3, 2011

[…] Tears of Joy in Northwood as Deranged Christian Bookshop Manager’s Ten Year Reign of Terror Dr… August 2010 10 comments 4 […]


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