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Screaming inside… September 15, 2009

Posted by Phil Groom in Christianity, Life Issues, Poetry, Theological Reflection.
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The Scream

The Scream

… as another friend is diagnosed with breast cancer.

Watching, waiting, hoping, praying… wondering at the futility of praying to a God who seems to have already opted out of the situation … is not the God we cry to for healing the same God who — if s/he is the God so many Christians, so many passages of the Bible, so much of the Church crack him/her up to be — could have prevented the situation?

That God is a myth, a fantasy, a desperate hope … like Father Christmas at Christmas time as we all collude in a massive pretence for the children … we know it’s not true, but we want the magic …

Another friend I spoke to asked me — if the God I wanted to be real, was real, what would that God be like? This poem emerges from that question …

The God I want God to be
would not allow
such things to be

The God I want my God to be
would sit a child
upon her knee
and gently speak
then set her free…

That child would learn
to walk alone
yet never lonely be
that child would soon
become full grown
and fully adult she
would dance
and sing
and joyful be
and tears of grief
would never flow —
she would not know
such things could be.

… and still, deep inside, I scream, and the echo of that scream, repeated by a billion other voices, haunts my dreams…

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Comments»

1. fromthesamesky - September 15, 2009

Oh Phil … sending you hugs and prayers. Scream away. (I think I’ll join you).

Phil Groom - September 16, 2009

Thank you: your solidarity means more than words can say.

2. C Parks - November 27, 2009

Wow Phil. While idly reading through your blog I stumbled accross this. What a powerful, beautiful and honest piece of writing. Could I recomend you listen to Casimir Pulaski Day by Sufjan Stevens (a devout Christian) about the struggle he went through as a close friend was diagnosed with cancer culminating with the lyric

Oh the glory when he took our place
But he took my shoulders and he shook my face
And he takes and he takes and he takes

Phil Groom - December 6, 2009

Thank you, C …

3. Paula Ann Walker - February 4, 2011

Yep. Tough eh? I feel it. Well said.

I wish you (and all of us,) love and peace, hope and joy.

Thanks for sharing these Phil. Won’t read any more now. I’d like these three to sit with me a while. Good reading, thank you.


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