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I’d say Christianity sucks, but it’s worse than that… July 8, 2009

Posted by Phil Groom in Christianity.
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Much worse: now you can chew it and spit it out when you’ve sucked all the flavour out of it. What was that Jesus said about salt that’s lost its flavour? Maybe this bit of sad supposedly ‘Christian’ crap which arrived in my work inbox today courtesy of STL USA (or Biblica, whatever name they’re trading under these days) is what he had in mind.

Is this really what Christianity has degenerated into? Lord have mercy, but I am ashamed of the Gospel when this is what we’ve done to it. What next: print Bible verses on your toilet paper and claim there’s no need to wash your hands afterwards?

Testamints: Helping Christian Cattle Chew the CudNew from Testamints

Testamints Sugar-free Gum is now available in a completely redesigned package in two best-selling flavors: peppermint and spearmint.

Testamints has been providing encouragement to Christians from all walks of life since 1998, and the sugar-free gum packs have been proven best-sellers at the checkout counter since their initial introduction.

Each package contains 12 pieces of delicious US-Made sugar-free chewing gum, and a carefully chosen Scripture verse is also printed on the back of every package. With a commitment to helping Christian’s [sic] share their faith with a product that people use every day, Testamints Sugar Free Gum is an easy way to introduce the gospel to a friend, relative or colleague.

What makes Testamints gum so unique? It’s the name that everyone instantly appreciates. And Testamints supports Christian ministries worldwide. As soon as someone mentions the name “Testamints” the connection is made with a quality product that bears a scripture verse to help “Pass The Word.”

Ensure you are always well stocked with Testamints Gum at your checkout counter. It’s the most recognized best-seller in the USA and Canada.

Testamints: Helping Christian Cattle Chew the Cud

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Comments»

1. supersimbo - July 8, 2009

yep! horrible

2. Serial Insomniac - July 8, 2009

Is this *for real*? It might have been passably amusing for half a nano-second if it was some sort of daft parody, but honestly, I’m speechless that it is serious.

Don’t worry, Phil, most people know that most Christians aren’t capitalist marketeers that will do anything to make a bit of dosh. These people demean Christian practice and thinking, but we knew they’re a tiny minority.

Take care, big hugs x

Phil Groom - July 8, 2009

Thanks 🙂

If only they were a tiny minority, but this kind of kitsch is big business stateside — check out Holy Bears if you want something even more vomitworthy.

Just showed the email to a customer in the shop: he suggested a range of phone cards with Bible verses on: ‘TestaCalls’… rofl

3. Phil Groom - July 8, 2009

… and with two flavours (sorry, flavors) he wants to know why they’re not called ‘Old Testamints’ and ‘New Testamints’ — missed a trick there, didn’t they??

4. fromthesamesky - July 8, 2009

Ack ack, pass me the waste paper bin I need to throw up…

5. bourach - July 8, 2009

That’s just mental. Shouldn’t be allowed and why has it got me thinking of all the other nasty pseudoChristian marketing ploys that obviously have sales potential?

6. Bill Williams - July 8, 2009

You need to check out the socks they have been selling in the US as well with the scripture text printed on them saying ‘he makes my feet like hinds feet…’ Cant wait to see what’s at the show in Denver this weekend!

7. John Duncan - July 8, 2009

Carefully chosen scripture verses? The mind boggles! Revelation 3:16 does seem particularly appropriate ….

Phil Groom - July 8, 2009

Deuteronomy 30:19: “Chews life, so that you and your children may live”
Joshua 24:15: “Chews for yourselves this day whom you will serve”
Isaiah 7:15: “He will eat curds and honey when he knows enough to reject the wrong and chews the right.”
John 4:22: “Salvation is from the Chews”

Chews for Cheesus, anyone??

fromthesamesky - July 8, 2009

*groan*

8. Steve M - July 8, 2009

just so you know, the UK cousins if IBS-STL ( who will be renamed Biblica…but not quite yet) do not, and have no intention of selling these….errr…products.

Along with Bill, I have the pleasure of attending the US trade show next week, where these items will be on display….Phil..do you want me to pick up a sample for you!?? 🙂 If so what flavour????

Phil Groom - July 12, 2009

Thanks for stopping by, Steve, and for the reassurance: that’s a relief to know! Sorry your comment took a while to appear: it was being chewed over by the spam filter for some reason, but have now persuaded it to spit it back out!!

Enjoy the show — I’ll skip on the gum sample, though, ta! 😀

9. For I am ashamed of the Gospel: Christianity’s Crass Commercialisation « UKCBD: The Christian Bookshops Blog - July 9, 2009

[…] When products like this appear I am embarrassed to be Christian retailer. I could, I suppose, walk by on the other side or look the other way and claim that as a specialist in academic theology this has nothing to do with me — but in truth it is that very theology that cries out against the crassness. […]

10. peter - December 4, 2009

Trust the menthol christians to come up with something as soothing as this. Maybe they could use polo mints as halos on their angels and give the roman soldiers spear mints to hold at the crucifiction. I would like to see the last supper taking place aftereight and jesus struggling to break the extra strong mint and saying take this and suck in memory of me.
Anyway i am off to write a nativity play as a testamint to the coolness of the company who came up with this commercial brainwashing scam. I am sure with the amount of crazies who will buy this product the company will surely be in the future well minted.


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