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Here, in between May 6, 2009

Posted by Phil Groom in Theological Reflection.

This morning, my prayers fell apart.

In some ways, that’s not unusual: my prayer life is a little ragged at best. Often, as I’m walking along, attempting to pray, my mind wanders off in all sorts of strange directions. Sometimes I manage to grab hold of it and turn those wandering thoughts back to God and say to him (or her, but in my mind God is usually male so I’ll stick with ‘him’ for now), here’s what’s bothering me just now, and those odds & ends become part of my prayers.

But this morning, I came to a bit of a standstill. I opened my prayer book and read through the opening lines for ‘Prayer During the Day: Easter Season’:

O God, make speed to save us.
O Lord, make haste to help us.

If I climb up to heaven, you are there;
if I make the grave my bed, you are there also.

“But what about now?” I thought. That’s fine, that you’re up there when I’m on a high, on the top of the world, looking down and around at the vastness of the universe. That’s fine that you’re there when I’m down, when I’m in the pits and all I can see is hills too steep and walls too high to climb and there’s no one else to turn to anyway. 

That’s fine.

But where are you now? Here, in between. Where are you now, when I’m here, on the side of the hill, when I’m like the soldiers in the ‘Grand Old Duke of York‘ and I’m neither up nor down?

Where are you now, in the hum-drum ordinariness of today, when the sun isn’t shining but the rain isn’t falling and there’s no rainbow promising that you won’t do it again — if you even did it in the first place?

Where are you now, my God? Here, in between, my imaginary friend…


1. Rachel - May 7, 2009

I was hoping that someone else might comment first to give my time to process, but they didn’t, so here it is …

Thankyou so much for this post. I found it an incredibly helpful echo of my own feelings about God sometimes. No, scratch that. All the time. Still processing, but in the meantime – thankyou.

Phil Groom - May 7, 2009

Thanks Rachel: appreciate the feedback. You might this discussion in Soulspace interesting: Oolon Colluphid versus respectable theologians

Rachel - May 8, 2009

Interesting! Have always rather enjoyed Douglas Adams …

Just say it, you know you want to...

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