Changing my socks January 12, 2011Posted by Phil Groom in Frivolity, Life, Watching and Waiting.
Tags: Ali Quant, facebook, Feet, Insane ramblings of a deranged Christian, Jesus, Socks, The Guardian, Toes, Twitter
SOMETIMES DRASTIC MEASURES ARE CALLED FOR. This is one of those times: I am changing my socks. Yesterday I tweeted:
Wondering whether I should change my socks tomorrow. I seem to remember putting clean ones on last week…—
Phil Groom (@notbovvered) January 11, 2011
and because I am such a hyperconnected person, oh yes, that tweet went via friendfeed to facebook, where a friend suggested that I should change my socks next time I take a shower. This horrified me. Quietly disregarding the fact that I don’t shower, that it’s at least a year since I last showered, I was utterly flabberbegibbergasted. Consider the implications: it would seem that my friend takes his socks off when he showers.
I invite you, gentle reader, to think this through: the removal of socks exposes the feet. Yes, you’ve got it: naked feet! Feet exposed to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune with no protection from the moneymakers and swindling bankers who want to take those ten little piggies to the stock market and rip off their toenails and — well, you get the picture. Putting it bluntly, it’s unnatural.
I ask you, lovelies: how could anyone shower, bathe, get into bed or — horror of horrors — walk down the street with naked feet? Imagine if you stepped in some dog poop and then got into bed. Dearly beloved readers, will you stand with me on this matter of principle? I put it to you that socks should not be changed, exposing feet and tootsies to the air and other unmentionable dangers, except as an absolute last resort.
But today I am in such a state of shock that needs must and my socks will be changed! I will peel them from my feet, then gently, oh so gently — as if the very hands of Jesus were doing the job, as he is wont to do — wash those feet and put on clean socks. Do not be afraid: the sockless interval will last no more than 10 minutes.
Whence my state of shock, you ask, as if the very idea of showering with naked feet were not bad enough? Herein, dear hearts: my good friend Ali Quant — who routinely walks barefoot all over me in Scrabble — has become a porn star! Yes, a porn star: described by someone in a Guardian comment thread as “misery porn”.
There is no choice: I am changing my socks!!
Burning Boxes in the Twittersphere October 20, 2009Posted by Phil Groom in Theological Reflection.
Tags: Authentic Media, Cornerstone Books, David M Keen, Evangelicalism, Keira Knightly, Supersimbo, Thinking outside the box, Twitter, Unicorn Tree Books
Boxes! Boxes, boxes, boxes — but at last we’ve unpacked them all and Sue & I are getting settled in our new home. Sue was officially licensed to her new post as Priest-in-Charge of Henlow & Langford last week, first Sunday services now over & done and I’ve survived the endless round of, “… and this is Phil, our new priest’s husband.” All in all, it’s been great to be welcomed by such a lovely bunch of friendly people.
Back to the boxes, however: you’ll be pleased to know we haven’t burnt them — most are going back to the removals company whilst the odd few that aren’t fit for reuse are going for recycling (Bedfordshire is very hot on recycling).
But I decided to celebrate yesterday by flattening a virtual box in the twittersphere, and posted:
which led to some interesting conversations…
authenticmedia @notbovvered There’s a box?19/10/2009 from SeesmicKercal @notbovvered Sadly I stepped out of one box, into another box and am watching the latter being flattened with me still in it.19/10/2009 from web
~~~waves of empathy for Kercal, everybody!~~~
Since authenticmedia seemed a tad bemused, I identified the box for them, but they either didn’t get it or didn’t want to:
supersimbo was more willing to engage:
supersimbo @notbovvered now that i see what you were meaning, is it possible to define “evangelicalism” as a box? It means so many dif things now….19/10/2009 from webnotbovvered @supersimbo Too late, mate: you’ve done gone and burnt the mutha! Nuthin but smoke & ash now…
19/10/2009 from Twitterrific
Quite right, supersimbo, I am but a mischief maker — but let the conversation go on. Not sure how Keira Knightly got involved, but she did. If you understand, please enlighten me: there could even be a free book in it for you…
supersimbo @Cornerstonebks that may have been my point about burning a box with stuff in it but the actual thing we thought we burnt is still there 19/10/2009 from websupersimbo @Cornerstonebks ie: effects of evangelicalism, methods, failures etc are in the box but the actual thing is too big to be contained in a box19/10/2009 from web
… which kinda brings us to the end of the conversation, with thanks to everyone who joined in and apologies to anyone whose tweets I’ve missed. Had I known it was going to spark such a stimulating dialogue, I’d've come up with a hashtag like #evangelicalbox — so if you, gentle reader, choose to take up the challenge of my final question, perhaps you’d care to use it?
The 140 character limit only applies if you’re twittering: comments left here can be as long as you like, I guess. My own answer is “… and a ‘best before’ date that’s long since passed for evangelicalism.” If you think otherwise, feel free to tell us why…
Getting Back on Track September 18, 2009Posted by Phil Groom in Life.
Tags: Thank you, Twitter, UKCBD
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Let’s say that what with preparing to move house (Monday 21st), seeing friends’ lives torn apart, changes at work and what has felt like a death sentence hanging over us this week, now thankfully reprieved, I’ve been a tad distracted recently…
But mostly, this morning, I’d simply like to thank everyone who has shown solidarity with us, through comments, through prayer, through simply being there: you, my friends, are amazing: thank you.
Faster than Jesus: we got fibrefairy back on twitter! From #twitterfail to #twitterresult in under 4 hours! July 15, 2009Posted by Phil Groom in Technology.
Tags: fibrefairy, Twitter
Some of her followers, self included, howled in protest at the injustice and cried out for reinstatement — and woosh, just like that, resurrection! Faster than Jesus — it took him three days!!
Twitter people: thank you. From #twitterfail to #twitterresult in under 4 hours: that’s class.
Differently Sane June 17, 2009Posted by Phil Groom in Life Issues.
Tags: Insanity, Madness, Mental Health, Sanity, Twitter
Twitter. You know it makes sense. I know it makes sense. To me, it makes sense because it connects: it takes me to places and links me to people that I didn’t know existed.
Today, I’d like to introduce you to two of those people:
Both of them struggle with mental health issues or insanity or whatever it is you want to call it. Personally, I call it being human; and both of them are courageous enough to blog about what’s going on in their heads, about their battles with madness and the difficulties they face.
I find that their honesty and openness in describing and discussing their lives and thought processes puts me to shame as I hide behind my mask of normality. Me, normal? Geometrically, maybe: at right angles to the rest of the universe. Perhaps one day I will have the courage to tell the world what’s going on in my head.
Who decides what’s normal anyway?
200 Tweeps and a Boob Job? April 26, 2009Posted by Phil Groom in Frivolity.
Tags: facebook, Online Advertising, Twitter
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Strange but true: facebook ads are offering me £500 towards a boob job. Sorry folks, but it’s gonna take more than a boob job to get me looking like that. Is my inner woman trying to tell me something?
It’s a strange life online…
Momentous Moment: 100 followers on twitter April 1, 2009Posted by Phil Groom in Frivolity.
Tags: Fame at last!, Twitter
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How could I let a moment like this pass by unnoticed?
Not sure who’s the April fool — me or them; but as Elvis would say, “Thank you very much.”
Join me @notbovvered
Dave Walker’s Blog Spanner March 18, 2009Posted by Phil Groom in Frivolity, Technology.
Tags: Blogging, Dave Walker, Google, Technorati, Twitter
I remember the one my grandfather had — used to attach it to his dustbin and whenever he lifted the lid (it was one of the old metal bins, not the big plastic wheelie-bin things they use today) his neighbours would gather round and go “ooh” and “ahh” over his garbage, then leave comments for the bin men (it was always men in those days). Great fun — the bin men would then pass the comments on around the neighbourhood and by the end of the weekly collection cycle they’d work out whose garbage had attracted the most comments and give out certificates that you could stick onto your bin.
Trouble with the original model was that it didn’t have the swivel head you can see in Dave’s, which meant the garbage would sometimes snag on it: could get quite messy and attracted all sorts of unmentionables.
Once they fitted the swivel heads, though, you could tighten things up more: the real garbage, the stuff people wanted to talk about, went straight in the bin whilst the boring stuff — well actually, nobody ever worked out what happened to that: it somehow got separated out and people could just get on with sharing their garbage properly. Eventually it all made its way to an incinerator or a landfill site, depending on where you lived, but then the internet was invented and someone came up with fibre-optic cable and it all finds its way there instead now, where quite a lot of it gets recycled via Google.
I’m not sure what Dave’s planning on doing with his spanner: I expect he’ll tell us before long; but I have a sneaking suspicion (and I’ve left him a comment to say so) that he’s going to try to use it to boost his technorati rankings. It won’t work, of course, because technorati have moved on from blog spanners, though I’m not sure what they’re using instead — probably some sort of algorithm that no one else can make sense of.
Apparently you can still use blog spanners on twitter, though, so if you manage to get hold of one, don’t bin it: share it. And whatever you do, don’t attach it to or use it to do anything with your bike. Some people on Dave’s blog are saying that’s what it’s for, which is absolute bunkum. You can trust me on this: I’m a blogger.
Twishop Index March 15, 2009Posted by Phil Groom in Frivolity, News, Technology.
Tags: Bishops, Church of England, Twitter
We live in exciting times for the dear old Church of England with more and more (well OK, three that I know of so far, a Blessed Twinity perhaps?) Bishops joining the Twittersphere. Figured we’ll be needing a Twishop Index soon to keep twack of ‘em, so I’ve created a dedicated page, Twishop Index, complete with its own Twitter ID @twishop.
Follow at your own risk:
- @alantlwilson: Alan Wilson, Buckingham
- @bpdt: David Thomson, Huntingdon
- @pete173, Pete Broadbent, Willesden