What is Church? A Calendar of Events or a Community of Disciples? How do we get it right? February 24, 2011
Posted by Phil Groom in Christianity, Church, Theological Reflection.Tags: Christianity, Church, Church of England, Church Website, Fresh Expressions, Henlow, Henlow and Langford, Langford, Religion and Spirituality, St Andrew's Langford, St Mary's Henlow
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Refreshing thinking from Fresh Expressions:
We have turned the church into a calendar of events when it is meant to be a community of disciples.—
Fresh Expressions (@freshexpression) February 13, 2011
… but how do we rise to the challenge? I’m updating our church website at www.henlowchurch.org.uk and www.langfordchurch.org.uk (mirrored domains for two parishes in a united benefice to ensure that each church gets its own but can’t get away from the other!).
All suggestions welcome on how to avoid the Calendar-of-Events syndrome appreciated, please…
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Feeling the Call October 1, 2010
Posted by Phil Groom in Christianity, Watching and Waiting.Tags: Anglicanism, Christianity, Church of England, Insane ramblings of a deranged Christian, Ordination, Vicar, Vocation
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A FRIEND told me she thinks she may be feeling the call to Anglican ministry. Being the bravehearted type, she asked me what I thought she should write to her vicar about it. Always ready to help a friend in need, I suggested:
Dear Vicar,
I think God has finally lost the plot and I’m hoping you’ll agree.
You see, I think God may be calling me to Anglican ministry. I mean, how bloody stupid is that? WTF does God think she’s doing, calling ME?? Is she bonkers? I know she called you but that was when she’d overdosed on coffee or something, wasn’t it?
So can you do me a favour, please, and pray about this until SHE CHANGES HER FRIGGIN’ MIND!! I know God changes her mind sometimes coz she changed her mind about destroying Nineveh, and asking me to be a vicar, well don’t you think that’s a bit worse than destroying Nineveh? Wouldn’t it make more sense to get swallowed by a FREAKIN’ WHALE than to become a vicar?
Lots of love,
Your No. 1 fan,
Lizzie
My theory is simple: the best test of a vocation is to run away from it. If you end up getting swallowed by a whale and puked up on a beach not far from where you were running away from, you can be 99% certain God was calling you. OK, so you end up with seaweed in your hair, you stink of rotting fish and your skin’s maybe a bit rough from the stomach acid, but that just adds to the authenticity when you get there. I mean, if you’re going to preach hellfire & damnation, you might as well look the part, and that’s what vicaring’s all about, isn’t it? Why else do they all wear those fancy frocks if it’s not to hide the whale stains and holes in their socks?
But for some reason she didn’t send it. Can’t work out why. What do you reckon?
PS: If you’re feeling called by God and would rather avoid the being-swallowed-by-a-whale-and-puked-up-on-a-beach routine, these sermons might help you find your way…
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In the beginning… February 18, 2010
Posted by Phil Groom in Short Story, Theological Reflection.Tags: Anglican Episcopate, Church of England, Insane ramblings of a deranged Christian, Lettuce, Peanut Butter, Women Bishops
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In the beginning was the peanut, and the peanut was alone.
“I need a warm planet to grow on,” said the peanut. “Let there be a planet!” And there was a planet. The peanut looked and the planet was good.
As the peanut looked at the planet, it realised that peanut and planet were spelt with almost the same letters. The only difference was a U instead of an L. So the peanut took an L from the planet and a U from itself and created a lettuce. And the peanut looked at the lettuce and was pleased: it was very good.
At first the lettuce was happy and it grew in the peanut’s garden. But one day, as the peanut was walking around the garden, the lettuce became angry and attacked the peanut and beat it into a mess of peanut butter.
But the lettuce didn’t know that this was what the peanut had in mind all along because without a lettuce to mash it up, there would never have been any peanut butter. And without any peanut butter the bread would have been naked and it would have been ashamed, except maybe for a bit of jam that the peanut made for it when it realised it was naked.
And so it came to pass that the peanut and the lettuce were reconciled but could still never quite bring themselves to share the same sandwich, especially not with the jam. Which is why the Church of England is in such a mess and women are not allowed to be Bishops.
Twishop Index March 15, 2009
Posted by Phil Groom in Frivolity, News, Technology.Tags: Bishops, Church of England, Twitter
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We live in exciting times for the dear old Church of England with more and more (well OK, three that I know of so far, a Blessed Twinity perhaps?) Bishops joining the Twittersphere. Figured we’ll be needing a Twishop Index soon to keep twack of ‘em, so I’ve created a dedicated page, Twishop Index, complete with its own Twitter ID @twishop.
Follow at your own risk:
- @alantlwilson: Alan Wilson, Buckingham
- @bpdt: David Thomson, Huntingdon
- @pete173, Pete Broadbent, Willesden
H/T to the Church Mouse — @thechurchmouse — for @bpdt. If I was an ArchTwishop, Church Mouse, you’d get an honorary Twishopric for services to the Twurch.
